Free Coloring Page- Kim Kardashian

If you love the Magnetic Fields and also have a strange, sick fascination with vapid pop culture like I do because you are a person who does not exist, this is the coloring page for you!

 Download here

I drew this this evening. Unfortunately when I scanned it some imperfections in my ~art~ that were not visible in an unscanned copy became visible, but honestly, I really doubt anyone is going to download this anyway so that's just how things are going to be right now. 

If you do happen to print this out and color it, please share it under the hashtag #enjoygunny so I can see it!

 

I've been experimenting with Canva this evening and this is something I made.

There is a version set up to be a Facebook banner available for download here

Free Printable Coloring Page

When I first saw some clips from My Cat From Hell online, I was, to say the least, perplexed by Jackson Galaxy. The facial hair. The guitar case full of cat toys. The... everything. I started watching the show kind of as a joke, but it BECAME REAL.

I love Jackson.

This [janky looking, low quality] coloring page is for him, and all he taught me. Slow blinks to you, man.

Click here to download

In the future I'd like to experiment with trying to made and upload actual good coloring pages and printables, but we all have to start somewhere.

Too Drunk to Dream

How To Get People At Work To Stop Talking To You: Compliments

If you work in an office like I do, you know what a fucking drag it is to have to interact with your coworkers all the time. It's like, yeah, we see each other every day and spend most of our time together, but can you not?
I've been working on a few ways to get people to stop talking to me forever, and now I'm here to share some of my tips with you.

The first in this series that I will likely not remember to continue is how to respond to compliments.

Example Compliment: "I like your earrings"

Example Responses:

"Thanks, they were a gift from someone I don't love anymore."

alternately

"You can't have them."

or

"Do you want to buy them?" (Have an asking price in mind with this one)

and the conversation-ender to end all conversations:

"Thanks, I got them for my dad's funeral."

Farewell, Wisdom Teeth.

I have three wisdom teeth in my mouth and when I went to the dentist last week, he looked in my mouth for about fifteen seconds and said they all had to go. The teeth have shifted and are basically sideways, and in the x-rays you can see that the roots are crooked, too.
They did not give me a copy of the x-ray.
This Saturday at 7:30 AM I have an appointment to get these babies [my wisdom teeth] cut out of my mouf. I've got a lot of feelings about this.

PROS:

• It will be easier to brush all my teeth, it is actually not easy to get them all
• So much more room for the OG crew of teeth to hang out in there
• The whole "sideways molar thing" will be a thing of the past
• Maybe they will let me keep the teeth
• Maybe my sister will take a hilarious video of me in my post-tooth extraction state and I will become the next viral YouTube sensation and get PAID
• Free from the burden of wisdom

CONS:

• I am very scared
• Pain
• What if they give me too many drugs
• What if they don't give me enough drugs
• I'm worried that I will start texting people after the procedure, please, Katherine, don't let this happen
• I just read an article about someone who got her wisdom teeth out and sustained nerve damage and one side of her face NEVER REGAINED FEELING. WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS TO ME??
• What if they put me under and the building catches on fire?
• What if I miss my wisdom teeth!
• Ghost tooth haunting possibility?

I mean, it will all be fine. It will be totally fine. IT'S GONNA BE FINE. I'm just kind of nervous. I've had a lot of unpleasant dental experiences in my day.

I really hope they let me keep the teeth.

Pros and Cons of Carrying Around A Lot of Quarters All the Time

PROS:

• Anytime the bus comes you definitely have enough to get on and ride
• You're always ready to go to the laundromat and do all your laundry
• Gumballs, etc

CONS:

• It is very heavy
• If someone asks you if you can spare any change and you say no, you are a liar
• Noisy 

I'll add to this list as more come to me.

If there's such a thing as love

My interests lie at two diametrically opposite ends of the spectrum and no one understands my art.

Posts about dreams are totally not boring and everyone wants to read these

I had a dream I met the person who was surely my 1 tru luv while I was distributing zines to my neighbors. He was a reclusive sort who lived in a building in the corner of my block (I had entered that building to leave some zines for my friend Fletcher, who lived there in my dream, and it is weird that he would even make an appearance in my dream because, like, he's my friend but I'm much closer with his wife, dreams are crazy, man). He had beautiful long dark hair and smoked cigarettes and had a cane and a bad leg but he was a ballet choreographer (?) how tragically romantic, I don't think that's even a real thing, and he saw me and came limping after me. He said he'd been trying to find me for so long- he was moved to compose a ballet inspired by me, and would I dance it? None of this sounds at all appealing now that I am awake, but he was very cute. I think he also read my ONE SERIOUS ZINE and was inspired to compose this ballet thing by that?
I was like, my email is in the back of that zine, if you've been trying to find me all this time why didn't you just email me.
But no words! Just dancing! We were in a smoky apartment and I said I don't know how to dance, mysterious neighbor, and he was going to teach me, gimpy leg and all.

And then he said "I am sixteen years old."
And I said "Wat."

Then I realized I was his babysitter.
Then I left.

Election Season is Out of Control

"If you could press a button and kill any famous figure this instant with no consequences to yourself, who would it be and what kind of death would you prefer for Hillary Clinton?"

-Everyone I've unfollowed on Facebook recently

exercise appendix

This is an uncomfortably personal zine I made. You might be here because this url is in the back. This website (blog?) is very disappointing, I am aware.



NOTES:


There were a few times I would have liked things to be in italics but the font I used did not have an italic option and you can't always get what you want.

Some copies of the zine have the very tops of the pages cut off a little because of the way it was printed and assembled. I hope you can still figure it all out.

It's almost entirely in lowercase letters to hearken back to the livejournal days of baring it all openly and grammatically incorrectly.

*this is no specific "you", what foreheads my lips have kissed, and where, and why, etc.
This is really in reference to the feelings in moments like that and Liz Phair has a good song about that feeling

The zine's title was not actually inspired by this song, the references came later in the process, but I thought it fit very well.



There was some other content that was going to be in this thing but it just didn't work and ultimately I had to leave out my favorite part, the only part that was funny to me, (shout out to one of the best professors I ever had, Ivan Young, ((we are not related,)) for the truest editing advice: "Sometimes you must cut what you love") it will find a home somewhere else someday.

Here's another idea that didn't make it in that I'm just gonna put here instead:

Biting down

"Radical softness is the idea that unapologetically sharing your emotions is a political move and a way to combat the societal idea that feelings are a sign of weakness." - Lora Mathis

I had a lot of feelings today and I shared them publicly, which is not something I often (ever?) do.
But I've spent the past four years of my life fiercely committed to personal growth and somehow something shifted today and I just decided to pull the full George Costanza- to do the exact opposite of what I've been doing- to feel it all fully and say everything a lot of what I wanted to say- publicly, and privately, to a person that I wanted to say things to.
It helped.


Lifehack: After all this time, the secret to dealing with pain is to just feel it. Stop fighting and let it in all the way and accept it and let the pain hit you in the face and accept that this is being alive.
When your heart is open all the way you feel bad things, too.
It's okay.



When I was a kid I'd go in to the orthodontist and they'd tighten my braces and I'd leave in so much pain. My whole mouth hurt and each tooth felt loose and it was absolute misery. Often I couldn't stop myself from biting down, hard, and feeling the full force of the physical pain. Feeling all that pain at once was almost relief.

Not denying it now, not forcing it away or drinking it away or joking it away or otherwise finding some way to run away from this pain now is also almost a relief.

Current Mood

Don't Worry About It, Keith

This song starts off seeming like a great way for me to remember everything I need before I go to the laundromat

Soap, Powder, Bleach, Towels, Fabric Softener, Dollars, Change, Pants, Socks, Dirty Drawers

Like, okay, I don't really think I would forget pants or socks, but, you know, why not be comprehensive, I guess.

And Let's Not Forget The Food Stains, Dirt Spots, Head Sets, Chips, Pop, Pay Phones, Clean House

This is where Nivea loses me. Food stains? How could I possibly forget the food stains? Pay phones? What? Clean house? I'm confused. 

Also, she says "laundry-mat", which is something that has always perplexed me. That's an O. It's LAUNDROMAT.

Anyway, Nivea tells R Kelly to fuck off and hangs up on him and then (presumably) proceeds to just go about her business and go to the laundromat like the baddest of bitches so this song gets a thumbs up emoji from me.

This is a person on Amazon who just reviews Titanic Heart of the Ocean replica necklaces that they bought for their cat.

That's all for today.