Election Season is Out of Control

"If you could press a button and kill any famous figure this instant with no consequences to yourself, who would it be and what kind of death would you prefer for Hillary Clinton?"

-Everyone I've unfollowed on Facebook recently

exercise appendix

This is an uncomfortably personal zine I made. You might be here because this url is in the back. This website (blog?) is very disappointing, I am aware.



NOTES:


There were a few times I would have liked things to be in italics but the font I used did not have an italic option and you can't always get what you want.

Some copies of the zine have the very tops of the pages cut off a little because of the way it was printed and assembled. I hope you can still figure it all out.

It's almost entirely in lowercase letters to hearken back to the livejournal days of baring it all openly and grammatically incorrectly.

*this is no specific "you", what foreheads my lips have kissed, and where, and why, etc.
This is really in reference to the feelings in moments like that and Liz Phair has a good song about that feeling

The zine's title was not actually inspired by this song, the references came later in the process, but I thought it fit very well.



There was some other content that was going to be in this thing but it just didn't work and ultimately I had to leave out my favorite part, the only part that was funny to me, (shout out to one of the best professors I ever had, Ivan Young, ((we are not related,)) for the truest editing advice: "Sometimes you must cut what you love") it will find a home somewhere else someday.

Here's another idea that didn't make it in that I'm just gonna put here instead:

Biting down

"Radical softness is the idea that unapologetically sharing your emotions is a political move and a way to combat the societal idea that feelings are a sign of weakness." - Lora Mathis

I had a lot of feelings today and I shared them publicly, which is not something I often (ever?) do.
But I've spent the past four years of my life fiercely committed to personal growth and somehow something shifted today and I just decided to pull the full George Costanza- to do the exact opposite of what I've been doing- to feel it all fully and say everything a lot of what I wanted to say- publicly, and privately, to a person that I wanted to say things to.
It helped.


Lifehack: After all this time, the secret to dealing with pain is to just feel it. Stop fighting and let it in all the way and accept it and let the pain hit you in the face and accept that this is being alive.
When your heart is open all the way you feel bad things, too.
It's okay.



When I was a kid I'd go in to the orthodontist and they'd tighten my braces and I'd leave in so much pain. My whole mouth hurt and each tooth felt loose and it was absolute misery. Often I couldn't stop myself from biting down, hard, and feeling the full force of the physical pain. Feeling all that pain at once was almost relief.

Not denying it now, not forcing it away or drinking it away or joking it away or otherwise finding some way to run away from this pain now is also almost a relief.

Current Mood

Don't Worry About It, Keith

This song starts off seeming like a great way for me to remember everything I need before I go to the laundromat

Soap, Powder, Bleach, Towels, Fabric Softener, Dollars, Change, Pants, Socks, Dirty Drawers

Like, okay, I don't really think I would forget pants or socks, but, you know, why not be comprehensive, I guess.

And Let's Not Forget The Food Stains, Dirt Spots, Head Sets, Chips, Pop, Pay Phones, Clean House

This is where Nivea loses me. Food stains? How could I possibly forget the food stains? Pay phones? What? Clean house? I'm confused. 

Also, she says "laundry-mat", which is something that has always perplexed me. That's an O. It's LAUNDROMAT.

Anyway, Nivea tells R Kelly to fuck off and hangs up on him and then (presumably) proceeds to just go about her business and go to the laundromat like the baddest of bitches so this song gets a thumbs up emoji from me.