How To Get People At Work To Stop Talking To You: Compliments

If you work in an office like I do, you know what a fucking drag it is to have to interact with your coworkers all the time. It's like, yeah, we see each other every day and spend most of our time together, but can you not?
I've been working on a few ways to get people to stop talking to me forever, and now I'm here to share some of my tips with you.

The first in this series that I will likely not remember to continue is how to respond to compliments.

Example Compliment: "I like your earrings"

Example Responses:

"Thanks, they were a gift from someone I don't love anymore."

alternately

"You can't have them."

or

"Do you want to buy them?" (Have an asking price in mind with this one)

and the conversation-ender to end all conversations:

"Thanks, I got them for my dad's funeral."